if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
