I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
