you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
