On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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