I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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