doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
