your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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