I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
