Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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