You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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