So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
