Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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