Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
