dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
