Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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