I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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