I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
