Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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