Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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