i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
