I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
