Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
