Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
