she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
