I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
