he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
