distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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