Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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