i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
