you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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