They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
