Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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