Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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