My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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