is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
