but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
