moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
