dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will pee on everything he values.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
