What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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