why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
