Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
