i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
