i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
