Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
