Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
