If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
