just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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