i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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