he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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