is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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