Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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