I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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