What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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